[ . . Wonderful Week . . ] Daily delights

Oops it has been nearly two weeks since my last Wonderful Week post but I have been a little bit busy attempting to be a Mum.

Every day it gets a little bit easier but I am still focusing a bit too much on the negative bits. In an attempt to snap myself out of it I have started to record the good bits of every day. I need to be able to look back and easily see the good bits, because there are actually quite a lot. The problem is that after a day of being screamed at with a wide awake baby I struggle to remember them and the bigger picture and get sucked into the baby vortex.

The idea is also partly inspired by Kirsty at Imperfect Page's blog which I read regularly and her beautiful things lists. As this is mainly a reminder for me I have set up a separate blog so I can post them easily on a daily basis.

I have called this record my daily delights - after all I do love an alliteration - and you can find it here.

So, since my last Wonderful Week post I have enjoyed a walk amongst the bluebells (I will blog soon), realised that sometimes selfish can be good and actually written some blog posts. But, more importantly E has acheived a lot more.

There is more playing and new noises. There has been tummy time in the sun and lots of kicking on his bouncy chair, which he is currently demonstrating whilst I type.

You see, it is all good.

I just need to remember that x

[ . . 30 before 30 . . ] 1. Have a baby ... Part 3

My birth story part 1 and part 2.

We arrived in our new room and that is when the after pains and shock started to kick in. In fact things started to go a little down hill and foggy.

I was examined again by the main midwife and was told I would need a lot of stitches. Apparently Elliott's cord had been wrapped around his shoulder, hence the popping back up after every push but most crucially he came out with his hand up to his eye making it a little disruptive for me! Out came the stirrups and they got to work. As the student midwife was still there the main one was talking through a lot of what she was doing. Great for the student. Not so great for me. There was talk of me needing an epidural which panicked me, after getting through the birth naturally an epidural now would have seemed a little cruel but we managed to avoid it.

Up until now I hadn't really used much of my hypnobirthing practice as everything had been so quick but boy was it useful now. It really helped me remove myself from the room and situation. I was aware and I could hear everything but I was mentally somewhere else. An hour and half later and they were done. Phew.

Their shift was also over so it was goodbye to our lovely, amazing, inspiring midwives and hello chaotic hospital. Another midwife came to weigh Elliott, we still had no idea how heavy he was - 6lb 14.5oz - a nice healthy weight considering I was told I would be lucky to have a 5lb baby at the beginning of this pregnancy. The midwife put Elliott's first nappy on and dressed him with us both looking on intently. All of a sudden he looked like a different baby.

It was time for me to have a shower. It was only then that I realised I would have to move off the bed. My body suddenly felt very heavy and weak. The lack of food for 6 hours and blood loss had taken hold. The adrenalin was also wearing off. I hobbled to the shower with the help of a nurse. My brain was shot, I couldn't work out what I needed to take with me or what to do. It was the most difficult shower I had ever had but so, so worth it.

At some point I had the joy of a ham and cheese sandwich and we all sat looking at each other. Breastfeeding seemed to be working, and I was managing to get around, although I was very uncomfortable. We were moved to the ward and I managed to walk there unaided. Then we were left on our own. We weren't sure what was going on, no one checked us, there wasn't even a hot meal for me just another sandwich and a Pot Noodle that I had taken with us in case of a long labour. We felt stranded. Luckily the next thing we knew it was visiting time and my Mum and Dad came to meet their grandson which perked us all up a bit. They left when the bell rang and then the bombshell. Mr had got to leave. I couldn't face it so he managed to hide in our room for a couple of hours. We still hadn't changed a nappy or dressed him ourselves and all of a sudden I was going to be left on my own with a baby. I hadn't got a clue!

He left, we were both sad but with the help of a lovely student midwife Elliott and I started to work everything out for ourselves. I was suddenly a Mum! The initial breastfeeding success hadn't continued and I was feeling very anxious about everything. I didn't turn the light off all night and sat with the bed upright and my glasses on. I slept for 20 minutes.

That was just the start as I ended up being in hospital for 3 nights and 4 days. It was not good. They were completely understaffed and the aftercare was disappointing. There were many tears, talk of blood transfusions, numerous tests for jaundice, accusations of me asking for too many painkillers (despite being told too) and a lot of pain.

Family B making our escape!

We finally made our escape on Saturday night about 9pm after virtually bribing the head midwife. I had a fit of hysterics laughing trying to get Elliott into his sleepsuit and car seat and the car ride scared the life out of me.

But we were home. I was so happy I cried.

I had missed my husband, my home and Charlie the cat. I had been looking forward to being a family for nearly 10 months and finally I was home and everything could start for real.

The 'end'.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

If you managed to read all three parts of my birth story then congratulations for surviving my waffling. I have written this mainly as a record for me because as time goes on, just 7 weeks later, the details are already getting hazy.

It truly was the most amazing experience but I had always seen it as the end. Which it was in a way, the end of the pregnancy, but blimey that really is only just the beginning isn't it!

Silent Sunday

For Silent Sunday

[ . . 30 before 30 . . ] 1. Have a baby... Part 2

Part 1 of my birth story can be found here.

I was now feeling a mixture of pain and excitement - it really wouldn't be long until we would finally meet Baby B.

After some encouragement, OK well a lot of encouragement, in between contractions I moved off my back on to my knees and into a position hanging over the back of the bed. The pain was pretty constant but to my surprise I kept refusing gas and air but I did keep saying how I couldn't continue anymore and getting quite teary. I'm not sure what I thought the other options were but I guess I was in transition.

We had two midwives at this point, a student who stayed with us the whole time and the main midwife who was in and out. They told me I could start pushing when I wanted to but I just didn't understand what I should be doing. Nothing seemed to be happening. After a while I heard the midwife behind me, I had no idea she was there, say she had a plan and then she left the room. Slightly bemused we continued half pushing on each contraction and measuring baby's heartrate in between.

After what seemed like ages she returned sounding pleased with herself and accompanied by a birthing stool. She explained what to do so I sat on the stool with Mr behind me and I pushed down with each contraction. This seemed to speed up progress and everyone was happy again.

The next hour is somewhat hazy but involved baby's heartrate dropping to 90bpm, them panicking, the implements for an episiotomy making an appearance, me pushing but not much happening and the talk of a catheter when we realised I hadn't been to the toilet for 4 hours. The threat of intervention, the promise of soon meeting my baby and the talk of time limits made me very determined. I was going to push this baby out.

Right up until the end I was walking (ok, hobbling) around in between contractions as I was getting dead legs from sitting on the stool. I remember laughing and joking with the midwives. It was quite surreal and not at all like I had imagined.

After quite a bit of pushing we were making good progress with Mr behind me taking the pressure of me pushing down with my arms, the student midwife to my left intermittently checking baby's heartrate and the main midwife lying on the floor underneath me!

Finally, they said they had got hold of the head and I remember shouting "well don't let go then!" as up until then every time I pushed, baby popped back up again. They laughed and with a few more pushes Baby B was born at 11.14am, only 7 hours after my very first contraction.

I had wanted Mr to tell me whether Baby B was a boy or girl but it didn't quite work out that way as we both saw him at the same time.

It was perfect.

Mr B behind me hugging me with us both looking at our little boy, Elliott Henry.

I'm actually getting quite choked up writing this. I remember him looking back up at me and being completely blown away. Mr and I looked at each other and through the tears and happiness I blurted out "we did it?!" - I truly never thought we would get to this point, it suddenly felt very real.

The midwives asked us for a hat to put on Elliott whilst he was wrapped in the towel but we still didn't have any of our things. All the bags were still in the car. They however have some for these very scenarios, so Elliott's first piece of clothing was a little hand knitted hat donated to the hospital by local old ladies!

It was then that my legs really started aching, I was still sitting/perching on the blooming stool! So whilst having my first cuddle and skin to skin I was thinking about how/if I could stand up. As we had managed the birth completely naturally to that point (I still hadn't had any gas and air) I wanted to try and deliver the placenta naturally. We waited for the umbilical cord to stop pulsating, had it clamped and somehow I was moved on to the bed. My body was very thankful!

Hello Mummy x

The placenta didn't seem to want to come away on its own and I had lost a fair bit of blood so it was recommended I had the injection. We went ahead and that certainly did the trick. The midwives did their tidying and left us to it. We had about an hour to ourselves, I think they had to rush off to another delivery but it was a great opportunity to bond as a family - not really knowing what to make of everything and just looking at each other.

Mr had his first cuddle and I rang my Mum and Dad to tell them they had a grandson. We tried to get Elliott to latch on but he wasn't really having any of it and was more interested in looking around.

The midwives came back in to check on us and after having a quick check of me said "ah, we best get you stitched up as it is looking a little bit like a horror film down there" - nice!

At this point we were still in the assessment room, there had never been time to move us to a proper delivery suite. So four hours after we had arrived at the hospital we were on our way to a delivery suite, with a baby! They started to wheel me out on the bed and it was then that Elliott decided to latch on. My first breastfeeding experience was therefore whilst being wheeled through a corridor, naked with just a sheet covering my modesty.

I had always thought the birth would be the end of the story, how wrong I was - part three coming soon...

Read part 3 now...

[ . . 30 before 30 . . ] 1. Have a baby...Part 1

Well, probably the biggest one from my 30 before 30 list, hence it being number 1.

This is something that Mr B and I had wanted for some time and so 36 weeks after our first ever pregnancy test and our first ever positive result we finally got to say hello to Baby B!

I have enjoyed reading other peoples birth stories so thought I would share mine too.

1st March 2011, my due date. Everyone had told me that baby would have arrived by now. I don't mean just strangers in the street giving their opinions but family members and mainly my midwife. Also my money was on 25th February so by the time the 1st finally came I was already disappointed that I still had no baby.

My due date did however mark a change in me. There was no baby so frankly I just had to get on with things and trust that baby would arrive when he/she was ready. In order to take my mind off things we decided to go out for dinner to my favourite Thai restaurant (also ticking off number 6 and 7 from the list!). The waiter, who always seems to recognise us (we do go there alot!) looked at my bump as we were paying the bill and said "due next month?" when I laughed and said "no, today" he looked like he had seen a ghost! Good job it was as we were leaving else I think he would have rushed our food out before we had ordered to avoid me giving birth there and then!

We had a lovely night and when we got home I asked Mr to take a photo as I just had a feeling that might be the last we saw of bump.

The last bump photo

I awoke at 4.20am the next morning with what felt like a mixture between braxton hicks and stomach ache. I had woken up many nights before thinking I was feeling things that had turned out to be nothing so I didn't take too much notice. I put it down to my Thai curry, turned over and got myself back to sleep. I drifted straight off but awoke with a similar feeling, I looked at the clock exactly 30 minutes later. Oh, maybe I could get excited. But no, not wanting to tempt fate and certainly not wanting to get Mr B's hopes up I made myself go back to sleep. As if by magic I awoke exactly 30 minutes later, I lay there thinking, wow maybe it really is going to be like it says in the books.

At this point, my memory told me that I woke Mr B up but having just checked the facts apparently I didn't. He woke up because of my moans about 6am and was greeted with me sat up in bed telling him not to get excited. The contractions - I was now happy to call them that - continued and at around 7am when they were 5 minutes apart and along with lots of other labour progressing signs (I will spare you the details!) we rang the hospital. I spoke to them but they advised that it was far too early and to try and last at least another couple of hours until 9am, have some paracetamol, a bath and some toast and get back in touch later.

Mr B went off to get ready and I was feeling quite sick so shunned the toast and attempted a bath. I was not quite sure how I was going to get myself in and out of our roll top bath but went with it. It wasn't long before we realised there wasn't going to be time for a shower so whilst Mr was gathering everything together for take off I had a bath. It did take the edge off the contractions but I suddenly felt the need to push. Surely my mind was playing tricks on me and just getting carried away?! I had read too many books and watched too many episodes of One Born Every Minute so I dismissed it but we were quite convinced it was time to call the hospital again. It was only 7.15am.

We set off during rush hour (great!) and with some very skillful driving and a lot of breathing we arrived at 8am with me (whilst trying to sound calm, but failing greatly) instructing Mr to just leave the car wherever. I couldn't even make it the 25 metres to the door without nearly ending up on the floor. Mr pushed some guys out of the way at reception and I headed down to the labour ward - we had been there many times before so I knew exactly where I was going.

We were welcomed but in a slightly dismissive manner, I guess they are used to seeing lots of ladies in labour and we were directed to an assessment room and told someone would be with us soon. The pain was now pretty intense and no one was coming so I decided to get a bit more vocal. I needed them to take me seriously.

Finally, someone came in to see us and started chit chat, I am normally very polite but I wasn't really in the mood for chit chat. They put the monitor on to check the baby's heartbeat and had a feel of my tummy and said they didn't think the baby's head was down. It had to be, it had been down for about 10 weeks! There was talk of an ultrasound and then the midwife disappeared. The pain was now quite constant and I was obviously being quite loud as Mr went to get someone to examine me.

A nice smiley lady arrived and examined me, during which my waters broke. We heard a "well" and I was preparing myself for the worse but I don't think I have been as happy as I was then for a long time as she said, "well you are 9cm dilated and the baby has a lot of hair".

Wow, suddenly everything made sense. Not being able to feel the head (it was too low down), the urge to push and most importantly the pain. They read my birth plan, giggling at the bit about if labour was slow to progress and got the gas and air ready.

The midwives instructed Mr not to leave the room, this baby could be born any minute. The car would have to remain with no car park ticket on it with all my carefully packed bags (and my iPhone!) in it.

To be continued...

Read part 2 now...

[ . . Wonderful Week . . ] Firsts

            

I can't quite believe it is two weeks since I declared that I was 'back' and since then all I have managed to achieve are some Silent Sunday and The Gallery posts - frankly the ones I find the easiest. I somehow find time in between and during feeds, nappies and winding to find a photo and attach some words.

I am however still not finding the time to actually get all the thoughts whirling around in my head out into words and write actual blog posts. Something I really think I need to do for my own sanity. I first started this blog to 'give me something to do' and as something to focus on after getting made redundant but now I think I need it as my outlet. I need to get these thoughts and feelings out. I am currently typing this as fast as I can whilst E is asleep on the sofa next to me (you never really know how long these moments will last) and Mr B is upstairs catching up on his sleep. I am really going to try to make the most of every second.

One boost during the past week is that some lovely person nominated me for a MAD Award. Not probably quite as rude as you might think, it isn't a classification of madness (although that may be more fitting right now), the Mads celebrate the UK's best mum and dad blogs and I have been nominated in the Best Baby Blog category. There are over 40 blogs nominated in the category so I don't really expect to get into the five shortlisted blogs that will go forward but it is still nice to be thought of. If however you haven't nominated yet and enjoy reading my blog I would really appreciate it if you would consider theprojectlab - especially as next year we won't qualify for the baby category :). You can nominate your favourite blogs here.

Another first for this week has been E's first smiles. I say smiles as he had been doing it for a few days before Mr B and I would admit that it was actually a smile. Poor boy, he had learnt this new skill and we were just dismissing it! It wasn't until the health visitor saw him that she commented "oh he is smiling now then" and made a note in his little red book that I took notice. Seriously, how bad are we, one of those firsts that new parents long for and enjoy and we missed it. Oh well, I can safely say we are now enjoying every smile and every new gurgley noise that comes along.

So through the exhaustion, frustration and pain caused by the lack of sleep and the colic we are relishing every first whether we notice them immediately or not!

What were your favourite firsts? Let me know so I can keep my eye out and not miss any more :)

Silent Sunday

For Silent Sunday

The Gallery: Mother Love - The newbie

Well this is a lot later than I had planned to post but how could I miss out on the gallery when the prompt is about mothers.

Being a new mother (sorry if you are sick if hearing about it) of only five weeks has been a rollercoaster that's for sure. There have been some ups and downs so far. Some of the downs I am not quite ready to share but hopefully we are nearly over them.

I never thought motherhood would be easy but I really did not anticipate it being quite this hard. It has tested my every being and not being able to control every detail of my days and nights is still not completely agreeing with me. I am hoping however that we can meet somewhere in the middle of the current craziness and my control freakiness. We'll see.

One thing for sure though is that through all this has been love, words of encouragement and looks of kindness. From my family. From my friends. And from Elliott.

All I can hope is that as I start to work this all out I can continue the great motherly love that came before me.

My Mum, my Mum's Mum, Elliott and the new Mum (oh that's me!)

Why not have a look at the other entries for Mother Love over at Sticky Fingers.

Silent Sunday

For Silent Sunday.

Silent Sunday

For Silent Sunday